Friday, September 20, 2013

An Apology to Becky, Holly, Jessica, and Chloe

First and foremost, I want to extend my personal apology for what happened at the costume contest.  You've all seen my post, so you hopefully understand what was going through my head at the time, but just as the extenuating circumstances of second-degree murder don't change the fact that there's a killer and a corpse, the circumstances of that night don't negate the fact that I was in the wrong and I hurt you.  For that, I am deeply sorry.

Second, I would like to apologize that this apology is so late.  I should have sent you this months ago, and whether it was cowardice, pride, or the inability to let go of my own anger, the fact is I was wrong to not reach out earlier.  For that, I am also sorry.

Third, I would like to apologize for the firestorm my post prompted.  To say I had no idea how big my post was going to get is a rather substantial understatement, and it was certainly never my intention to start a Tumblr war. (I don't even have a Tumblr account, so I'm not even sure who originally posted the screenshots of my Facebook post.)  It was written as a Facebook post to share with my friends, so when they saw the episode they would understand some of the backstory and why I hadn't really been able to say anything about that night.

I used to write for WoW Insider, and even given their popularity, I never had much readership, but I know from personal experience just how frustrating it is to be attacked on the internet.  And I also know that apologizing for spilled milk doesn't put it back in the bottle.  It is however the least I can do.  I am sorry for the pain and frustration I have caused and prompted over the last few days.

Becky -- I'm glad to hear that your eyes are better.  I've had LASIK after frustrations with contacts, so I know how scary it can be to have one's eyes not working right.  I hope your move to Maine isn't too painful; my sister and I moved across the country as kids and can testify it's not exactly fun.  Best of luck in your new adventures!

Holly and Jessica -- we really appreciate how willing you've been to support us.  Obviously, we didn't get off on the right foot together, but your willingness to defend us has really defused any residual anger we had.  It's hard, damn hard sometimes, to step back and look at a charged situation from someone else's point of view, and your willingness to do that for us really helped us do that for you.  I hope Crabcat can continue to build awesome things!

Chloe -- I want to apologize specifically for the comments made to you during our group hug.  When you and Holly and Jessica came down the hall to talk to us, we assumed that it was an attempt to draw us into another fight for the camera.  When nothing like that happened, we assumed it was an attempt to film a feel-good reconciliation scene to make for a pat reality TV ending.  As no polite, camera-friendly way to say "Please stop talking to us so we can go home" came to mind through our tired, hungry, adrenaline-soaked brains, my sister suggested a group hug so we could have an excuse to end the conversation, and to have cover from the camera to make it clear that the conversation was over.  We were wrong to assume that you were only talking to us for the camera's benefit and our response to your olive branch was rude.  We are sorry, and wish you the best of luck.

Amy Schley, Femme Six

My fellow Doctors want to echo my apology and agree with these sentiments.

Love, Heather AKA Eleven AKA itmightbehere

Tina Noire AKA Femme Four *offers jelly baby*

With my sincerest apologies and admiration for all the work you do, Hillary (Femme Three)

T.A.C. AKA Femme Eight

Femme Ten

Love and Gratitude, Meg AKA Femme 5 / YvesAdele

Abby and Future Whovian Cohen (Femme Nine and her fetus)

Laurel (Femme Two)

(More Doctors' thoughts may be forthcoming.)


  1. This is Heather. Let me add some !!!!!s and some XOXOXOXOXOs :D

  2. Haha, your first paragraph kind of makes it sound like we killed someone. XD
    Heather, take it easy, friends don't usually like that much kissing...;)
    Sincerely, though, ladies. I do hope we can all go to conventions together in the future and eat overpriced cheap, disgusting food and talk about nerdy things that make us happy.

  3. Ugh, con exhaustion is the worst. Your feet are killing you, your blood sugar is low (you're not even hungry anymore- you're past that), you haven't had any water since, like, yesterday. I've been to enough cons to figure out how to avoid that crap, but I know that misery. No doubt I've been grumpy cat a few times (My friend Michele says it's not a real con until all the girls have cried).

    Hey, I know you didn't intend for your Facebook post to be made public. In fact, you deserve an apology from whoever ripped that post from your page and posted it on Tumblr for getting you involved in that tempête de merde.

    And I totally understand how frustrating it is to have something large and intimidating get its dirty hands all over something you love and care about. I promise you, 51 Minds (the company that made the show for Syfy) did everything in their power to keep the con running smoothly during their invasion. Sometimes details get lost in the whirlwind. I'm sorry it caused you and your friends hardship.

    And I'm sorry I led the charge. I didn't even know if the cameras were following me, I didn't look behind me. I hadn't been privy to the first conversation, so I wanted to work out what had happened, and why. My intention was to end on a positive note, of course, but I was also feeling particularly protective of my friends. I'm sure in that situation, you would have done the same for yours.

    We have nothing but love and respect (despite the occasional anger/frustration) for everyone in this community. If we didn't care what you thought, this never would have been an issue.

    Thank you for the apology. It means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to the girls. You guys made some amazing costumes, and we were all giggling during your skit at how cute you were. Don't stop making awesome things; you're all super talented. <3

  4. As someone who commented on your previous post with a comment calling you out on your behavior, I feel I should comment here as well and say I'm so glad to see this apology post. It's great that you were able to do this and hopefully this will put an end to all the drama. Everyone has apologized, both sides of the story have been told and now it's done and over with. Good luck to you and the "heroes" in all of your future endeavors! (ps: I don't know if you have IPs for who posted what comment, but I apologize if mine was overly harsh or hurtful. As someone who has been picked on for being an "outsider" the situation seemed somehow personal. Hopefully this incident works out to be a good lesson for everyone - including the viewers of the show. And since I know you're currently getting a lot of comments filled with negativity.. just remember: a few months from now no one will even be thinking about it. People who see you at future conventions will likely not recognize you -in a negative way - let alone think "oh it's one of THOSE people." Again, I'm glad to see apologies from all sides and I wish you happiness!)

    1. Honestly, if I'd just been getting negative comments, I don't know if I would have been able to post this. Nothing like being attacked to fill oneself with the righteous anger that makes backing down impossible.

      It was the overwhelming support from hundreds of people. The first few were just what I needed to be willing to even get online. More were validating, but as they kept pouring in I just felt increasingly embarrassed. (As I put on Facebook Thursday, "36 hours ago I was afraid to show up to [a con] in my Six dress for fear of being booed; now I'm half afraid to show up for fear of being hoist on people's shoulders!")

      I hadn't written my post to cloak myself as a martyr and become an internet cause celebre; I just didn't want people to think I was a batshit crazy asshole.

  5. Kate here (one of Abby's close friends); I'm really happy to see that this is being resolved. I'll admit, I definitely jumped to loudly defend you and the other Doctors, and that included boycotting the show - hey, when I feel like one of my friends is attacked, I get angry. But honestly, I respect both of you guys - Amy and Co, for being willing to step back and apologize, and Chloe and Co, for being willing to accept that apology and seek out further friendliness. It takes a lot to come to a happy medium, and to let go of one's pride to see your own faults. I'm thoroughly impressed with how this has resolved, and I hope everything goes well for you guys.

  6. Well, I grant you that the cosplay community is small and close-knit, and therefore getting along and showing face must be a requisite, just like it is in any small community. That being said, however, as an outsider frustratingly intrigued with the show and the culture it attempts to portray, as well as one who has read the posts from either side of the issue, I'm afraid I find this "reconciliation" a bit lopsided, and more than a little overly generous. While Chloe's comments succeeded in bringing a bit of humanity to the so-called "plants," they offered no evidence nor contrary corroboration to disprove the well founded fears and complaints of the non-hero participants.

    Perhaps Chloe and her friends truly are naive in their participation, and either are unaware of or can't admit to their part in the destruction of cosplay's acceptance into the mainstream. But intentions are immaterial, and it doesn't change the fact that that's precisely what is happening. Femme Six, you were correct in your indignation. Period. And while I sympathize to a point with Chloe and her buds, her flimsy defense as well as her lack of acknowledgement and apology is a stark contrast in quality of character. It's a real shame.

    1. I pushed this one through so I could respond to two things:

      First, one does not apologize in the hopes of receiving an apology in return. I wished to do my best to right the wrongs I committed, not try to make sure the score was even.

      Second, I have received quite a bit of private correspondence in the last week from con runners and masquerade organizers all over the country. If as is true of most things on the internet, a thousand people read for every one who responds, pretty much every con runner in the country knows what happened. All of the responses have assured me that nothing like this will ever happen at their cons. This suggests to me that there won't be a season two, simply because no con is going to agree to allow filming. While that was not my intention, I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry, and knowing that other con goers will not be treated like we were is almost as good as an apology.

  7. Hello! I just wanted to say that I saw this last episode and the crazy shiz that went down we were honestly up in arms. It disturbed me to the point of tears of anger. I held onto that anger for quite some time but then I realized that there is two sides to every story. As someone who strongly believes in stopping and putting yourself in the shoes of others before judging I decided to see if there was any clarification given on this unfortunate event somewhere on the internet. I'm glad I found some and after reading everyone's explanations I can say I feel bad for everyone involved. It brings me joy to see how you've all reached out to eachother and more or less reconciled. I actually felt what little burning embers of disappointment and anger inside my stomach fizzle out and die the more I read. As a small community of people who love something so wonderful such as cosplay so much I believe the last thing we should be doing is fighting amongst ourselves and I think that's why I became so upset. Alas this isn't about me but I really wanted to say that if we are to hate anything it is the demon known as "reality" television. Its sole purpose is to drive a crowbar deep into perfectly happy fandoms and rip them apart for the sole entertainment of those outside our community who do not understand what we all, as cosplayers, actually do. I can never forgive television for what they've done to those featured in the show and to you and the rest of the Dr. Who group. You all seem nice and it saddens me that people are not realizing who is to blame here when all smoke has been cleared away. Yes, things were said by both sides that should not have been said but quarrels happen even within the best of fandoms. The thing they refused to spotlight was that the people in said fandoms are usually so amazing that those quarrels often are resolved because we know we can't afford to be fighting amongst ourselves when there is enough flack coming from "normal people outside our lives looking in. They constantly make fun of us because they just don't understand. For the TV company to decide not to make a mention of any reconciliation or afterword is proof that they only infiltrated our community to amplify what little 'ugly' goes on. It's sickening to think they are so heartless and as someone who was someday hoping to be featured on television as a cosplayer, I now know to keep a full arms length and more away from any reality show. I mean, I knew they were bad, but this just solidifies the fact that they will NEVER tell the truth. There is a lesson to learn here, yes, but I think (and hope) everyone learned it.
    My hearts goes out to all who were involved and I hope you all continue to cosplay and attend conventions. Don't let this deter you! You're all wonderful! :) (And when I say "all" I mean you and your Dr. Who group and the cosplayers of HoC. Hate resolves nothing. <3)

  8. I think it takes great courage and a good dose of wisdom to admit when we are wrong. I commend you for this apology.